Trying Not to be an Impala

I once heard this sweet analogy about an antelope...more specifically, an African Antelope called an Impala. According to good old wikipedia, the Impala can jump distances more than 12 meters long and 3 meters high. But in the zoo, Impalas live in structures only 3 feet high. What gives? Impalas will not jump anywhere in front of them that they can’t see.

I would say I’m pretty even-keeled. Most reading this have never seen me shed a tear. But recently, as the realization set in that I’m truly leaving my life here, my head knowledge became heart knowledge and the Kleenexes came out! Amidst my tears, it hit me that I am acting like an Impala. I’m afraid to take a leap of faith over the ledge when I can’t see what’s on the other side.

Take my job for example. I absolutely love nutrition and I love the Cancer Center. I couldn't have asked to work with a more wonderful group of people these last four years. So as I venture into the unknown of what Mercy Ships holds, I struggle with letting go of my identity as a dietitian. I keep praying that God would change my heart and make me excited about doing something other than nutrition on this huge ship. Thus far, no such luck. I’ve been perplexed on why this one detail hasn’t yet worked itself out when everything else has fallen into place beautifully. As I was reading last week, I stumbled across the answer: faith that hangs onto comprehension isn’t really faith at all.

I have preconceived notions about what this next year of my life holds. Thoughts on what will give me joy, what will bring me purpose and what will make me angry. But do I trust that God is going to provide for me in every minute detail despite what I think I understand? My life lesson this week exemplified the fact that I definitely can’t see yet over the ledge, and that’s ok. But I still have to move forward faithfully. Sometimes God gives us exactly what we ask for in prayer, and sometimes we are surprised with an answer we weren’t expecting. But regardless, He always, without a doubt, gives us what we need.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3: 5-6