Trust Revisited

I live in flip flops in Africa. However, for the sail we are required to have shoes with more support so flip flops don’t cut it. I went to the outlet mall with my sisters this week with the intent to find myself some cute shoes for the sail down to Togo. (On a side note, why in the world they have outdoor malls in MN when it’s -5 degrees outside boggles me.) As I sat in the Gap outlet trying to rationalize the purchase of a pair of ballet flats for $20, I realized somewhere along the way in Africa I'd become frugal. I think what $20 could get in Cotonou and I couldn’t bring myself to spend an entire Andrew Jackson on just one pair of simple ballet flats. Oh, how I’ve changed.

One year ago I didn’t know where or what I’d be doing in the months to come. I had my townhouse, my job, and my life in Phoenix and I was letting go of it all for something unknown. As the Mercy Ships process moved forward I was definitely excited, but at the same time I critically examined the potential reactions of uprooting my life. I questioned leaving a job I loved so much to do something completely different than nutrition. I questioned whether or not I would ever find someone to sublet my townhouse and how that would work from Africa. I questioned the idea of new relationships I would form and felt so sad about leaving those back home.

So as 2009 has now come and gone, the stand-out theme in my life seems to be God’s goodness. I’ve fully experienced the idea that when we give God all we’ve got and earnestly seek Him in every area of our life, He comes through. I’ve seen that when we are still clinging onto things we want to control in our lives, He’ll keep giving us lessons time and time again to show us that we need to let go, as He wants in on our plans. All of them. Take my job for example. Knowing full well that there were no RD positions on the ship, I struggled so much with leaving my dietitian position and wrote about it here. Well starting in February, I’ll be working full time as an RD in a position they just created (and without my doing nonetheless). Or example number two: my townhouse. Trying to sublet from another country and take care of maintenance issues is a daunting task. Thankfully, I have amazing friends who have taken care of all the small or sometimes larger unexpected necessities of home ownership. (As painting wires on a rooftop and cleaning mold out of the cupboard sound like so much fun!) I also think of relationships. While I am excited to return to old friends, I have some really thoughtful and generous friends here. After celebrating my birthday earlier this week, I returned to the ship yesterday and was greeted by a lovely birthday banner and handmade card complete with fun memories and pictures of all the fun things we've done here in Africa thus far. 

This year has shown me that I can’t fully grow in faith until I throw my own expectations out the window and trust that God will give me His best, in whatever form that may be.  More than that, I have to remember that God won't give me good things when I plan on providing for myself 24/7.  We have to be willing to ask for help every day.  It's like providing for a child.  If it costs twenty grand a year to raise a child, a mother wouldn't hand her son $20,000 on January 1st and say, "Here it is.  Go and have a great year."  Instead she would want him to ask everyday for what he needs, and she would give accordingly - even when we don't deserve it.  The goal is relationship.  So when we do ask with a right heart, we get to see how God provides in sometimes really crazy ways.  It says in Malachi 3: Test me in this," says the LORD, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”  So try it out.  Ask God and see what happens.  Heck, who knows, you may even get a pair of really cute and comfy $8 ballet flats too! =)